february?

So I wasn’t critisized too harshly on my rough draft, just a few minor aggreement errors. Lauren, you’re a fucktard. I didn’t have any run-on sentances like you said I did. I double checked and as long as they have some kind of punctuation mark in between two clauses it’s not a run-on -.-

There wasn’t anything physically wrong with the story, I just had a few words mixed up and had to change some things to the past tense since this issue of the newspaper is coming out after the dance, and that’s what I’m writing about.

You know, I wasn’t too confident when I first picked to write about Snowcoming, but as the ideas naturally flowed it became much easier to produce a nice story that wasn’t too wordy, or boring. I suppose writing just comes naturally for me.

Now that that minor rant is done with, I can move on to other things. Tre’ and I are back together and this is just something I’ve never been so sure about. I feel like I can say I love him, but of course people will counter that with the oh-so famous line “You don’t know what love is.” Neither do you because love has tons of definitions.

Weed. I was thinking long about this and I hate it when people look down on someone for smoking weed. I also hate it when people say it’s bad for you. How would you know? You’ve never tried it, or probably even done research on it. Collect both sides of evidence before you spout shit off.

Lily Allen. I’ve come across this artist in Spin magazine while in study hall today. Previously, I’d only listened to her song LDN which was one of them that made her famous. She speaks her mind and says basically whatever the fuck she wants, despite what the media says. I admire her, because if I could say whatever I wanted, and when I wanted, I’d be the most hated person alive. She definately goes into my book of lyrical geniuses alongside Dallas Green.

scream for love.

Honestly you make me want to scream I love you at the top of my lungs.

fuck.

Most of all the one person I hate is myself.

name.

I miss the way things used to be. It should be a sin to miss them this much. I used to know what love was. Just because I am young, doesn’t mean I can’t know what it is. And even if I didn’t know, I can say what it feels like, what love should be, and should not be. Now, I’m not sure if it’s even there anymore. Recently love to me is just a word overly used and commercialized, making teens believe it’s this perfect romance. Love isn’t perfect, love is going through pain because you care about somebody so deeply. I’ve experienced pain, and love. I’m letting go of both.

When people ask me “Who are you?” I want to reply, “I don’t know.” but if I said that to every single person I’ve met they’d call me crazy. So I respond, “Alexis.” But am I really that girl? That girl who was supposed to have a straightedge life, who wanted to accomplish goals, and create friendships? No, I’m someone completely different then a year ago. I don’t know if this is a good thing or bad thing. I’ll never know who I am, and it’s better this way.

brilliance

so i rant on a site called gaia, on a forum called dirty little secrets. i was reading some from August to September and i was brilliant. I wish I still thought this way. here are a few highlights.

“i hate when i think.
when i think, i write.
when i write half of it doesn’t make sense.
my mind written in words is a jumbled up mess
that is never to be translated except by the author
herself. a numb realization of the facts of everyday life.
i’m trying to be someone i cannot.
yet i write as if i’m determined.
or just crazy in the head. the dreams and ambitions
of a young teen that seem impossible.
impossible made possible.
by me.”

“It’s like they’ll always have a place in your heart, because they’ve impacted your life
in a way you know no one else can. But you know, you can’t love them anymore
because no matter how many times you get back with that person things are always
different. You can be happy, but in the back of your mind you’re afraid of getting fucked over
again. That’s why I’ve given up on him. I’ll always love him, and he’ll always have a place
but things aren’t going to go back to the way they were. Never again.

My uncle talking about my aunt made me think about this. I really wanted to just give him”

august 12th, 2008 was the day i decided i wanted to become a psychologist.

“We never know what we want.
But we’ll take what we can.”

…a lot of things were painful to read.